Saints Into the Sea
by Artemis Day
Summary: With his eyes, he tells her that she will never be alone, not as long as he's around. With her eyes, she tells him she wishes she met him first. AU. GiftFic.


**A/N: This is a gift for amalgamads on tumblr, as part of 'magic n science's' Lokane Fanwork Exchange. The title comes from a lyric of the song 'Mr. Brightside' by The Killers.**

* * *

It's painful to watch them dance, but that's more Thor's fault than it is hers. Loki has been a witness to his brother's dance classes, where the unfortunate instructor needed several hot footbaths after each lesson. At least the big oaf has finally learned not to step on his partner's feet, otherwise Loki would be a little worried about that new girlfriend of his as they waltz.

Just a little, mind you.

* * *

He's stunned when Sif steps aside without a fight. A blind man could see how obviously and openly she pined for Thor from the day she was mature enough to see boys as more than something to fight. For twelve long years, she dropped hints, disguised flirting as friendly jabs over the lunchroom table, even worked with him on a human reproduction project for Sex Ed and called him 'husband' the whole time. He never got the point, and now his heart belongs to another.

When Sif meets Jane Foster for the first time, it's at a banquet. Thor confides in both her and Loki that he plans to propose tonight. Loki can almost hear the sound of Sif's heart ripping in two, but all she does is congratulate him and advise him to make it a private affair. It's more intimate, more personal when it's just the two of them, she says.

'_Why didn't you choose me?'_ is all that Loki can hear.

Of course, there is no one- aside from Loki- whose opinion he trusts more.

He proposes on the balcony.

They walk back inside arm in arm. The ring is on Jane's finger and the two of them are walking on air.

Sif leaves the party early.

And then that's it. There is no animosity between winner and loser after that. Sif takes Jane by the hand, admires her beautiful ring, offers to teach her some self-defense moves so they can get some bonding time in. Loki goes with them; he's sure this whole' tutoring' session is going to end in a dozen broken bones for Jane and a deeply satisfied Sif escorting her to the hospital, apologizing and darkly claiming that she 'doesn't know her own strength.'

Instead, he becomes a test dummy for Jane, as she learns how to get a man over a foot taller than her into a headlock.

Her skin is as soft as a baby's.

* * *

Everyone loves her.

Loki wishes he was exaggerating.

The worst part is that Jane never does anything to earn it. Yes, she's a brilliant scientist with three degrees and yes, she's been published in some of the most prominent scientific journals in the country. Yes, he may have briefly skimmed her work one day when he had nothing better to do and found it to be quite good, but none of it matters in the slightest.

She does not fit into this family. She doesn't have the eye of a fighter like the rest of them do. Her battles have and will always be for her mind and not her body. Mother once teases that the two of them are not dissimilar in that regard. Is he not the one every teacher or professor he's ever gone up against declared a genius?

That's different, Loki explains as politely as he can, for while he is academic, he is a just as much a physical match as any of them. Just because he is intelligent enough to choose his battles (unlike some people) doesn't mean he can't win them.

He'd like to see Jane Foster try and subdue a potential kidnapper, or many at once.

He tries to imagine her in such a situation, watch her cry and beg for mercy while back home, Thor wonders what he was thinking choosing her.

One night, he dreams about it, but unlike in his waking hours, this fantasy ends with a tall, green eyed man rushing in to save her. When the criminals are defeated, he carries her to safety, and she rests her head in his chest and whispers thank you. She tells him that she'll love him forever.

Loki wakes up sweating and uncomfortable, and he can't look Jane Foster in the eye for a week after.

* * *

Why does he think about her so much?

The question comes to him on the eighth day after the dream, and in retrospect, he should have asked himself that a long time ago.

Why does he hate Jane Foster so much?

Why is he so desperate for Thor to see his error and end it before it can begin?

Why does he want so badly to disbelieve Thor when he tells him that she's _special _and _the one_?

Why does the word 'sister-in-law' fill him with such rage that he's almost attacked a business partner twice now in a blind fury?

He writes all these questions down or a crisp sheet of white lined paper. Then he calls Sif's phone to mouth along with her voicemail for the tenth time. Since she met that man at the martial arts class she teaches, she's been spending increasing amounts of time with her phone turned off.

There's another question: why does Sif's apathy- her total ease at moving on and finding someone else- make him hate her so much?

Loki goes to his parent's house for dinner the next day. Thor and Jane are there.

Jane laughs when Loki swallows his pride and greets her like a gentlemen (his mother is there and she'll scold him later if he doesn't, that's all), and tells him how glad she is that he's talking to her again. For a while, she thought she'd made him angry somehow. She smiles as she speaks, and she's wearing red lipstick today. It makes her lips look twice as big, and Loki stares at them for what must be hours, wondering what they feel like…

He burns the paper when he gets home.

* * *

She's destroying him.

She doesn't even have to _do _anything anymore for it to hurt. She stands in the middle of a room, talking to a future relative, blushing at questions about children, slipping a hot Hors d'oeuvre past those _lips_.

She rarely strays from Thor. Large crowds do not go well with someone used to solitude. Thor puts his arm around her, kisses the side of her head. Sometimes she kisses back. Mostly she looks at Loki, wondering why he is looking at her.

He'd like to tell her it's all her fault.

She did this to him.

He didn't ask for this.

His anger grows every day, and then it shifts. It is no longer misplaced. He doesn't confuse hatred for Thor as hatred for her anymore.

He could never hate her.

All the times he looked at her and felt that burning fury in his gut, it was always because of Thor.

Here he is now with his arms around her.

That's where Loki should be.

* * *

He snaps on New Year's Eve.

They're at another party, the kind that no one really wants to go to, but have to anyway because the host is some kind of big shot who can ruin their lives in two seconds if they refuse. Loki finds himself entertaining Jane as she laments the sudden business matter that called Thor away at the last minute.

Loki nods along and takes the first opportunity to talk about something else. One off-hand comment about a random bright star in the sky, and then he's learning its name, its classification, its properties. When she has nothing more to say, she finds another star. Loki keeps asking her questions, even though watching her mouth form so many words so quickly makes him tense. It's always her lips now, isn't it?

The night wears on, and then its ten seconds to midnight.

Everyone counts down. They have their significant other with them, ready for that big first kiss of the New Year.

Loki and Jane have each other.

It registers exactly at the moment cheers erupt around them, and the band starts into Auld Lang Syne.

The couples start to kiss.

Loki and Jane look at each other.

She swallows hard.

Her eyes are burning.

She gets up on tip-toes… and kisses his cheek.

Happy New Year, she says, and then she's gone. Loki watches her go. His cheek- his whole body- is tingling.

He can't take it anymore.

He finds her on the patio. She's nervous when he sits down beside her, making it clear that he isn't going to go. To calm her nerves, he doesn't mention the kiss. It was just a little friendly peck for her future brother-in-law, nothing to explain or talk about.

Instead, they talk about work, his and hers. He complains about an unprofessional secretary texting her friends during meetings. She grumbles about her new intern caring more about illegally downloading songs on her ipod than organizing the star charts Jane leaves for her.

The night wears on, but Loki is patient. She's relaxed now, she's happy. Loki turns the conversation to Thor, asking her how they are doing.

She tells him they're fine, but for a moment, she averts her eyes. She thinks he doesn't notice. He does.

He presses the subject; everything is riding on her answer.

She doesn't want to talk about it, but Loki keeps asking.

He gets it out of her that she's scared, unsure. She knows that she loves Thor, but is it really a lasting love? The kind her parents, and his for that matter, have. She wonders if she's making the right decision.

She's looking at his mouth. She may not even realize she's doing it.

He kisses her. It's soft and gentle and she pushes him away at once.

She jumps up, her chair falls over.

She demands to know why he did that.

He asks if she liked it.

She doesn't think it matters.

He thinks it does.

Loki gets to his feet, stands tall over her. He steels himself for whatever will happen next, because right now, it could go either way. He wants her more than anything in the world- he can admit it now, but he wants her to want him too. If she doesn't, he will leave. He will apologize and he will never mention it again, and she can pretend it was just the heat of the moment; a drunken mistake on his part. Even if neither of them have had anything, it would be easy to pretend.

He tells her so. He tells her to tell him to leave.

She doesn't.

She doesn't say a single word.

* * *

This is the best night of his life.

He spends it in bed with Jane. She's all draped over his larger, harder body, moaning contentedly as he massages little circles into her hip.

Did Thor ever do this for her?

Has she ever made the noises for Thor that she made for him?

Has Thor done this with her at all?

Knowing him, Loki wouldn't be surprised if he took the chivalrous route with her.

Of course, all beautiful things become ugly some time.

This one does when Jane wakes up in Loki's arms instead of Thor's. She gasps, she screams, she jumps out of bed and bunches the sheets around her.

She tries to blame him for last night, but they both know the truth. He doesn't even have to say it, and so he doesn't. Right now, that will only hurt her. Right now, he needs to let her scream and get it out of her system. He lets her get dressed and run out the door, leaving him with a promise that she will never speak to him again.

It's alright.

Loki knows a lie when he hears one.

* * *

It will never happen again, she tells him.

If you say so, he answers.

* * *

They don't tell anyone what happened. How can they?

The wedding is one month away and every detail has been painstakingly planned out. The church has been chosen, the cake picked out, Jane has been through three fittings for her wedding dress, and most importantly, the napkins all match the tablecloths.

Loki hasn't seen her since that night. He tries not to be scared. After what they shared, there's no way she could just forget. She can't treat it like a simple mistake. It wasn't.

This marriage is the mistake.

Loki would love to tell her that over the next family dinner, but she makes sure never to be alone in a room with him. If Thor suspects something from her callousness, he doesn't say. He'd probably just mistake it for wedding jitters anyway.

The next day, Jane is at his building. She came to meet Thor, but another emergency meeting called him away. When she sees him, she turns her head and tells him to leave.

Loki stays where he is, no closer or farther away than when she first saw him.

He wants to talk. She doesn't.

He offers her a drink. She's not thirsty.

He tells her she can't ignore what happened that night. She thinks it's easy to forget a mistake if the people who made it could understand that it was nothing more than that. Obviously she doesn't love him, and obviously he doesn't love her. Why should they bother pretending when she was marrying his brother in three weeks?

For the first time, Loki is truly angry with her. He could grab her, push her against the wall, and give her the most soul searing kiss of her life. He could take her into his office and wring every ounce of pleasure from her body until she screamed herself hoarse, then let her tell him that it all meant nothing.

He sits next to her, and he whispers in her ear, but that's all he does, all he needs to do.

He tells her to keep telling herself that, and they can laugh about it next time.

There will be no next time, she says, and then she's gone.

He never got to ask why she didn't leave before if it really meant nothing.

* * *

The day before the wedding, Loki goes to their apartment to drop off Thor's dry cleaned suit jacket. He finds Jane curled up on the couch in tears, and he knows exactly why.

They closed a major deal today, the whole office was celebrating. Several details have yet to be hammered out and Thor must go halfway around the world to finish it all up, and he has to go tonight.

The wedding is only postponed a few weeks, he had told her. It'll feel like no time at all. Indeed, Loki thinks as she shamelessly soaks his dress shirt, they will be husband and wife before anyone knows it. Jane will wear her white dress, and two men at the altar will be waiting for her, entranced by her beauty. When she says her vows, there will be tears in her eyes; a few of them might even be happy.

But that's not now, that's then. Now, Loki holds her while she cries. He listens to her fears that she will never not come second. He understands these issues rooted in her childhood, that everyone she loves will leave her in the end. Her parents did. Her first love did. Why should that ever change?

He doesn't take her that night. Even he isn't so depraved.

They stay on the couch because Loki can't lay with her on the bed she shares with Thor. He holds her tight and she listens to the heavy beating of his heart. He lets her feel the heat of his skin more intimately than she did when their clothes were off, and until sleep claims them, he holds her gaze. He tells her with his eyes that she will never be alone, not as long as he's around. He will never let her be.

With her eyes, she tells him she wishes she met him first.

* * *

Jane's first child is born with green eyes.


End file.
